


At First Sight

by InkstainedGwyn



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Chie is there for some good-natured meddling, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Longing, Overcoming Homophobia, but really it's just Souji and Yosuke, long work, most of the IT is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7509513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkstainedGwyn/pseuds/InkstainedGwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Souji and Yosuke as they realize they're in love with each other (hint: it takes Yosuke a lot longer). Fluff, some spoilers, happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I wanted something a little angsty that wasn't too bad, knowing full well it was going to turn out happy. It's a lot longer than I intended but since I wrote it all at once I'm not putting it in chapters.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](https://ohlookashinysquirrel.tumblr.com) if you want to poke at me.

It was still love at first sight even if you didn’t realize it immediately. 

The first time Souji Seta saw Yosuke Hanamura, the brunette was speeding entirely too fast on his bicycle, reaping the consequences as he ended up crashing into a power pole with an expression that shared just how much pain he was in with the world. Wincing sympathetically, Souji let him be, hiding a brief chuckle as he headed to school.

There was a happy-go-lucky air about the boy that charmed Souji even as he filed it away, never really expecting to get to know the brunette; after all, he was leaving in a year, and it was just best that he not get too close to anyone. He’d forgotten it by the time he got to class.

Later that afternoon, when the brunette gingerly approached Souji’s desk neighbour, holding a dvd case, he managed to get a good look at the boy’s face; it was bright and open, and the look of terror - _is this Chie person a bully or something?_ (the thought briefly worried Souji, until he saw the cracked dvd) - really did his face a disservice. Souji found himself wanting to see the boy smile. 

“Does that guy get into a lot of trouble?” he whispered to the dark-haired girl (Yukiko?) next to him, as Chie chased the brunette around the classroom.

“Who, Yosuke?” Yukiko shrugged. “I… don’t know? Chie’s always complaining about him, but I think they’re good friends, even so. Sorry, I don’t get much of a chance to spend time with anyone, I’m always working at the inn.”

From the looks of it, then, Chie was Yosuke’s girlfriend - or, at least, crush. Or he was hers, or something. The thought wasn’t very interesting to Souji - something about it struck a sour note, and he didn’t want to think about it - but Yukiko was more his type, so he let it go.

* * *

They met again the next morning; Souji was walking to school again, having left Nanako at the split that took her to her school, when Yosuke came barrelling past again. This time he managed to crash just short of the same light pole, ending up head-first in an empty trash can. Souji wrinkled his nose, glad to see it was a recycling bin, not an actual trash can.

Pausing for a moment to chuckle at the amusing sight of a pair of lanky legs flailing as the brunette tried - and failed - desperately to free himself, Souji leaned over, used his foot to wedge the bin against the curb, and grabbed his schoolmate’s hips to help ease him out of his uncomfortable position. There was something incredibly awkward about having to touch another guy’s waist like that, but Souji managed to hide his (discomfort? It had to be) before Yosuke scrambled to his feet. 

“Ugh, thanks dude. Hey, you’re that new transfer student, right? I’m Yosuke Hanamura.” The brunette grinned, and Souji nodded to himself. A smile _did_ suit him, so much more than a frown.

“Yeah, we met yesterday.” Souji smiled back, holding out a hand to shake. “Souji Seta.”

* * *

Stuck in the middle of a particularly boring class - Yasogami High was about a month behind his school in the city, so he’d already gone over these math concepts - Souji found himself thinking about Yosuke, who was sitting behind him. It was a little awkward, because Yukiko was wearing a particularly nice pair of knee-high socks, and he really would rather have focused on _that_ , but he also wanted to figure out just _why_ he kept thinking about Yosuke. 

After a few moments, the brunette’s cheerful expression from the morning popped into his head, and he blinked, feeling a lightbulb go off. 

_He’s like a puppy dog! You don’t want to see him sad, you want him to be happy. He’s a puppy dog_. Immediately, Souji felt better; it was reasonable - he felt the same way about his little cousin, Nanako - and even though he was more of a cat person, well… dogs were okay, too.

* * *

Just as Souji thought he’d finally pinned down Chie and Yosuke’s un-relationship, as well as his feelings for Puppy Hanamura, they went to Junes that afternoon, and along came Saki Konishi. Watching Yosuke’s face light up, a brief thought - _no_ , this _is the look that’s best for his face_ \- flickered through his mind, too quickly to pin down; he found himself confused, so he looked to Chie.

“Is that Yosuke’s girlfriend?”

“Saki-senpai? PFFFFT.” Chie didn’t seem at all fazed or jealous, which threw _that_ theory out. “He _wishes_.”

Saki Konishi was nice enough, and it was so, _so_ easy to see that Yosuke had a serious crush on her. Souji found himself irrationally angry that she _wasn’t_ dating Yosuke, because why not? Wasn’t he good enough? But that thought also pissed Souji off, and eventually - only half-hearing Chie’s suggestion that they all watch the Midnight Channel that night - excused himself to head home. 

By the morning, he was twice as confused and sure of only one thing - Yosuke Hanamura was _not_ a puppy dog. He had puppy-dog eyes, sure, but puppy dogs never kept Souji awake until the wee hours, trying desperately to categorize how they made him feel.

* * *

In hindsight, the ‘TV nonsense’ (the term would end up sticking with him, even when it was no longer nonsense, just because it made him feel as if he had _some_ sort of agency in the matter) was a relief, if only because it shoved his burgeoning confusion about Yosuke Hanamura to the back of Things That Were Important. Sure, he continued to _think_ about Yosuke - he’d noticed far more details about the brunette than about Yukiko, for example, which really threw him for a loop - but when they were in danger, well… he just wanted to protect his friends. That was a _natural_ reaction, and it gave him something easy and normal to hang on to. 

Until Saki Konishi died, and he saw the anguish on Yosuke’s face, and halfway through forcing himself _not_ to reach out and embrace his new friend he realized _wow, okay, nope, these feelings are way more than friendship_. 

He was almost grateful that Yosuke stopped them outside the assembly, begging to go back into the TV world; it gave him something to think about _other_ than what was shaping up to be a terrifying crush on another _guy_ and while Souji had no problem with people who weren’t completely straight, well… he’d never expected it to apply to himself.

* * *

“Ahahahahhahaha, because I’m you, see?”

The yellow-eyed doppleganger smirked - at Yosuke, yes, but also at Souji - and for the first time in his life Souji found himself having _the most inappropriate thoughts_ at _the most inappropriate time_ , hell, he hadn’t even had a chance to parse his feelings for Yosuke and now there were _two_ Yosukes (even if one was an asshole and, frankly, he much preferred the smiling, happy-go-lucky one) and he was pretty certain after the fact that his new persona, Izanagi, was the only thing that had kept his brain from completely short-circuiting. 

Still, Souji was Souji, even when he was having a sexual crisis, and the pain on Yosuke’s face as he listened to this doppleganger smote his heart. He could understand a lot of the feelings, as a transfer student himself, and it really _wasn’t_ fair for the brunette to have all of this thrown in his face - with a near stranger watching - especially when for all other intents and purposes Yosuke seemed like a straightforward, honest, _kind_ guy. It was only natural to want to step in, help him, protect him. Show him that someone was there for him. 

After the shadow was defeated and accepted, and Yosuke had his own persona - something that made Souji feel irrationally happy - he realized that maybe he hadn’t been so wrong in the first place. _Yosuke isn’t a puppy, even though he’s got puppy-dog eyes, but I still want to protect him. I think I can handle that._

* * *

As the next few months settled into something resembling normalcy - as normal as you can get with supernatural powers, unsolved murders, and a secret TV world - Souji came to terms with his crush as he and Yosuke became best friends. He hadn’t expected to become friends with anyone, but how can you avoid it, really, after seeing such a personal side of someone? He almost felt bad that he didn’t have anything secret to share with Yosuke in return, but the brunette didn’t seem to care. 

Well, he _had_ a secret - his crush - but in all the time they spent together, he didn’t ever feel it was _necessary_ to bring it up. He wasn’t going to act on it, not with Yosuke still mourning Saki (although, to be fair, he seemed to get over her pretty quickly, but Souji sensed there was still something awkward and untouched there). Besides, Yosuke hadn’t really shown any interest in him - and he spent a lot of time talking about How To Pick Up Chicks - so why challenge the status quo? Things were great just being best friends. 

Well, things were great just being friends until they had to rescue Kanji Tatsumi.

* * *

Of all the things Souji had expected from Yosuke, blatant homophobia was not one of them. Sure, the brunette was a ‘ladies’ man’ (ladies’ boy?) inasmuch as he usually talked a _lot_ about how cute they were and how much he wanted a girlfriend, but he’d never said anything about not liking boys, or hating people who liked boys. Souji had assumed he was straight, of course - but didn’t expect him to be openly hostile over Kanji’s sexual confusion.

It made him sick, even as he realized that this _crush_ wasn’t a _crush_ , he was _in love_ with Yosuke, and while Yosuke wasn’t the kind of guy who’d beat him up over it, he’d definitely hightail it and that would be the end of their friendship. 

_Shit. How did it come to this?_

Souji was too much of a coward to reveal his own sexual orientation (mostly because it would have required some sort of ‘proof’, and he’d already sworn to take his love for Yosuke to the grave without telling anyone about it). However, he spent as much time as he could speaking against the others’ (truthfully, mostly Yosuke - Souji had _suspicions_ about Chie and Yukiko) preconceptions about Kanji and his sexual confusion. More than once - especially on the camping trip - he snapped at Yosuke when Yosuke started to be a dick, and eventually the brunette seemed to get it, because he apologized to Kanji and stopped asking him which boys were his type. 

That didn’t stop Souji from becoming maudlin about the whole thing. While it warmed him a little to see Yosuke learning to put aside his homophobia - seeing the rest of the group accept it seemed to help a little - it didn’t change the fact that he was in love with someone who was not only straight, but terrified of the hint of anything _not_ straight. And it hurt - _boy_ did it hurt.

* * *

He took to spending more time alone - he still made time for his friends, but in the evenings and especially after afternoons with Yosuke or in the TV, he _had_ to have some alone time to be emotionally irrational and sentimental.

Chie caught him one night. He was sitting at the shrine - he’d toyed with the idea of praying about the whole thing a couple of times, but it didn’t feel _right_ and once he met the fox it just seemed weird - but it was a nice, quiet place when he didn’t want to go down to the floodplain. He'd no sooner raised his head - he’d had it in his hands, trying _not_ to think about PE that day with Yosuke - when he saw a pair of familiar trainers, and looking up, a familiar green coat. 

“Hey.” Chie plopped down beside him. “You’ve been out of it a lot lately. You okay?”

He blinked owlishly at her, and the surprise that _Chie_ of all people had decided to call him out on it blindsided him to the point that he wasn’t able to put on his usual face of I’m-calm-nothing-to-see-here in time, and she chuckled. There was a pause, and he rubbed his neck.

“Great. I guess I haven’t been hiding things as well as I thought.”

She tilted her head. “I wouldn’t say that. Yukiko’s really the only one who noticed - it’s probably something to do with Konohana. She just asked me if everything was okay with you, and _I_ didn’t have an answer. I wouldn’t think Kanji’s noticed anything, and we all know how oblivious Yosuke is.”

 _A fact for which I have never been more grateful_. He sighed - a little in relief, a little in regret - and Chie eyed him with curiosity.

“So, spill. What’s up? You sit there and listen to us go on and on and on - you can’t tell me you don’t need a chance to get it out. Heck, I’m surprised you haven’t talked it out with Yosuke yet and _woah Souji_ wait what-?”

He’d gone white when she said the words “talk it out with Yosuke” and at that point, he knew the gig was up.

“You like Yosuke.” It wasn’t a question, but it also wasn’t an accusation - nor was it said with the ‘weird’ tone he was paranoid about - so he nodded. 

“Yeah.”

“Since when?”

“Ugh, I don’t know.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, hunching his back, and she raised an eyebrow again. “Probably the beginning.”

“I see.” She looked out across the shrine grounds. “I’m sorry, dude. I know it’s not easy.”

“No, it’s not.” He was glad she hadn’t tried to give him a pep talk. 

“Well, if you ever just need to talk, I’m here. Yukiko is, too.” When he raised his head, looking at her with alarm, she shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell her. Just, you know. We care about you, and we're here for you.”

“Thanks, Chie.” He closed his eyes. It wasn’t a solution, but it made him feel a little better.

* * *

Things really got confusing when Rise came along. Between Yosuke’s new infatuation with the idol and - once they’d rescued her - the idol’s infatuation with _Souji_ , he had his hands full and most days ended up with him finding a place to curl up and try not to think about the brunette. 

It strained things between them for a bit, which made for what were probably the worst few weeks Souji could ever remember having. Not that it was _because_ of Rise - at least, that’s not what Yosuke finally admitted to him once they fought it out by the river - but Souji wasn’t stupid, and he knew it probably contributed a little. When Yosuke admitted, in tears, that he was _jealous_ of Souji, the silver-haired boy just wanted to spill it all right there, tell him he had _no reason_ to ever be jealous of Souji, wanted to _hug_ him, because tears had no place on Yosuke’s bright, sunny face. 

He didn’t, of course. He just listened. He’d already come to terms with the fact that it was all he’d ever be able to do for Yosuke; it was both a relief and a heartbreak that ‘just listening’ seemed to be enough.

* * *

A couple of weeks later - after a beach trip where Yosuke spent approximately all of his time swooning over Rise in a bikini, and a few TV trips where he and Yosuke had ended up spending a lot of time together - Souji was sitting by the Samegawa, face against his knees. It was more comfortable than the shrine, and quieter; it wasn’t that he’d minded running into Chie, but he didn’t want to run into _Rise_ , and it was easier to cry without worrying about passersby. 

He didn’t cry _often_ \- or, at least, he tried not to - but sometimes it just hurt so much that he couldn’t help it, especially when all he could do was think about Yosuke, and how he should be _happy_ with their friendship. Hell, Yosuke called him _partner_ , admitted he was special - why wasn’t it enough? But Souji was a teenage boy, and even discounting all the _physical_ things he wanted - things he barely allowed himself to think about, he was so embarrassed at the thought of how disgusted Yosuke would have been if he'd known - there were emotional needs, too, and seeing his friends pairing off (Chie and Yukiko weren’t as subtle as they wanted to pretend), or realizing that he could get his ‘emotional needs’ taken care of from any number of girls who weren’t Yosuke and in whom he had no interest, well… sometimes he just had to go somewhere and face the darkness and wish it would swallow him whole. 

This was one such evening, and he’d just given a particularly large sob against the scratchy fabric of his cotton jeans when he heard the last thing on earth he’d _ever_ wanted to hear.

“Partner? Souji, what’s wrong?”

If he could have run away, he would have, but there was no time before Yosuke was sitting next to him, and he could smell the orange scent of Yosuke’s shampoo - he must have had a shower after his Junes shift, before coming to look for Souji - and there was an arm around his shoulders and _oh my god could this be any harder to handle_. 

“N-nothing, don’t worry about it.” It was the only thing he could force out, and even though he knew it wouldn’t be enough for the brunette, it was also the only answer he could give that wasn’t a confession, and _that_ was something he’d die to keep secret. 

“Bullshit. You’re _crying_ , dumbass. Did you confess to somebody, and they rejected it? Tch. Idiots.”

 _If only you knew just how close you were to the truth_. Souji just shook his head, wiping his eyes before raising his head; Yosuke almost recoiled at the heartbroken expression on his friend's face, wondering why his stomach flipped at the sight. 

“Then what’s wrong? Come on, partner, you know I tell you everything, you can talk to me.” The look on the brunette’s face was almost enough to make Souji spill everything, but he _couldn’t_ \- his self-preservation was too strong - and he bit back the words even as he shook his head again.

“I’m sorry, Yosuke, it’s just... “ A sigh. “I can’t talk about it. It’s not that I want to keep secrets from you, I promise, and I know it’s not fair, but I can’t tell you, _please_ understand.” His eyes pleaded with the brunette, and for the first time, Yosuke was in a position where he would have understood Souji’s first thoughts about him and his ‘puppy-dog’ eyes, had he known about them.

Huffing a sigh - crossing his arms - Yosuke shrugged. “If you say so, I can’t force you.” His voice was disappointed, but deep down inside he knew that there were still probably some secrets he hadn’t shared with _Souji_ , and well… if he hadn’t been _forced_ to share in the TV world, he probably wouldn’t have. Maybe it wasn’t fair that he’d had to, but that didn’t mean he had to make Souji follow suit. “Still, dude, we’re partners, right? I can promise you there’s nothing you could tell me I would have a problem with, so if you need to talk…”

The warm expression - one of relief - that plastered itself across Souji’s face was almost uncomfortable to look at, and Yosuke found himself mentally squirming as his best friend nodded.

“Thanks, Yosuke. I promise that if I need to talk to anyone about it, I’ll come to you.”

* * *

Still, Yosuke couldn’t get rid of the feeling of disappointment, the idea that something could be bothering his partner - his best friend - so much but he wouldn’t talk to Yosuke about it. 

_I told him everything! I’ve always relied on him! Am I not enough?_

It was _not enough_ that hurt the most, especially since - well, it _might_ have been something about his parents, or maybe Dojima and Nanako - but Yosuke was also a teenage boy, and he couldn’t think of anything other than romance that would have _him_ out at the floodplain, in tears, in the twilight. 

_I shared everything about Saki-senpai. Why can’t he talk to me? Even if it’s one of the girls - Rise maybe? - I can keep a secret!_

It was still irritating him the next day as he headed downtown; Souji had already responded to his text saying he’d be able to hang out before dinner but he had part-time work at the daycare centre for the first half of the day. 

“Wow, you look grumpy as hell.” Chie was standing in front of Souzai Daigaku, eating a steak skewer, and Yosuke - after a second to weigh whether he wanted to be annoyed or seek sympathy - decided on the latter as he flopped into a chair. 

“Yeah, well. I’m just kinda ticked off. What kind of best friend doesn’t talk to their best friend about things that are upsetting them?”

Chie - who’d been chewing on the skewer stick - stilled, and Yosuke looked at her, eyes narrowing.

“Wait a minute. You know what’s going on with Souji, don’t you?” When she didn’t answer immediately, he felt his face flaring red even as his stomach sank. “What the hell? What the _hell?_ ” 

“Shh!” She turned, hissing at him, as the owner of the food stall looked over at them. “Holy crap, Yosuke, calm the fuck down!” 

Grabbing his shoulder - _holy shit Chie has one hell of a grip all she does is kick people how is she so freaking strong??_ \- Chie forced him out of his chair and across the street, into a quiet spot near the shrine. 

“What the hell, Chie? That hurt!” He let himself indulge in a little whining - it didn’t exactly soothe his hurt feelings (seriously, why did it hurt _so badly?_ ) but it gave him a little relief as he rubbed his shoulder and scowled at her.

“What the hell me? What the hell you! Were you trying to bring out the whole neighborhood?” She put her hands on her hips. “Yes, I know what’s going on with Souji, and before you go off on some ‘boo hoo Souji doesn’t trust me’ tangent, he didn’t tell me. I figured it out myself!” 

His eyes narrowed again - although he couldn’t deny the veracity of her accusation - and he crossed his arms. “Then how do you know it’s true?”

“Because I asked.”

“Then he still told-” 

“Yosuke, shut up.” Chie poked him. “If Souji told you he didn’t want to tell anyone, why are you trying so hard to get around that?”

“Because it hurts.” He knew he was sulking, but Souji was his _best friend_ , dammit, and he hated thinking that Chie knew something about Souji that he _didn’t_.

“And you can’t figure it out yourself?” Chie was looking at him speculatively, but he didn’t see - all he could do was focus on his frustration. 

“Hell no. I keep trying! I figure it’s something about who he likes, but how’m I supposed to get past that? He’s friends with lots of girls! I mean, hell, if it’s bothering him so much, it’s probably one of the group.”

“It is.”

Yosuke raised an eyebrow at this. “And it’s not you?”

“No. It’s not Yukiko, either.”

“I figured as much, or you would have drop-kicked him into the sun.”

“Dude, what the heck, here I am trying to help you!”

“Sorry!” He raised his hands. “Sorry. Ugh. Okay. It’s gotta be Rise, then, but why does that upset him? I mean she’s all over-”

“It’s not Rise.”

“It’s not- huh?” Yosuke looked up, and then his eyes widened. “Oh shit.” _Oh shit oh shit wait oh shit fuck Souji’s… like_ that? _Oh shit… oh my god the things I have said_ …

Chie just watched him.

“It’s Kanji, isn’t it?” The thought brought a sour note to his stomach even as he tried to hold it back, because goddammit, he _wasn’t_ going to be a dick about this even if it killed him, he already figured he’d said enough to hurt Souji multiple times over in the last few months. “I mean it’s obviously not Teddie, that’s just…” He shook his head, but then stopped as Chie just shook her head at him.

“It’s not Kanji and no, it’s not Teddie.”

“What the hell, Chie, you said it was one of the group and-” 

_Oh_.

 _ **Oh**_.

At the dawning look of comprehension on the brunette’s face, Chie nodded. “I didn’t tell you, you figured it out for yourself - to be honest, I think this is something you guys are going to need to talk out, anyway.” She shrugged. “As it is, Souji’s going to worry himself to death over it, and none of us want that.” She gave him a last look. “Just… look. Don’t be a dick about it, okay?”

Yosuke was too stunned to even answer; he just looked up at her, then down again at his hands. _Me? Souji’s got a crush on_ me? He remembered the look on Souji’s face, and the sound of his sob, and realized no… it wasn’t a crush. _Jeeze. Souji is in love with_ … me? _Why me, of all people?_ He was just Yosuke Hanamura, chronic fuckup, skirt-chaser extraordinaire. Who, apparently, wasn’t wrong in his assumption that he’d been a dick back when Kanji showed up, since even Chie’s first comment about it was for him not to hurt Souji. _That_ stung, but he couldn’t say she was wrong, either.

_Oh, jeeze._

It was past lunch before he realized that he hadn’t even thought about what he was going to do about it. After all, he didn’t feel that way about Souji - Souji was his _best friend_ , and there wasn’t anything he _wouldn’t_ do for their silver-haired leader (besides, you know, _date_ him, he was a _guy_ ), but he _was a guy_ and Yosuke… Yosuke wasn’t like that.

Still, it didn’t mean he was going to be a _dick_ about it, even without Chie’s admonition - he’d already realized, through Souji’s scolding (which made a lot more sense now, and made Yosuke feel that much more ashamed) that he’d been a dick, and he didn’t want to go back to that. There wasn’t anything wrong with guys liking guys, even if it wasn’t how _Yosuke_ felt about things. 

As for Souji? What _could_ he do? Waltz up and say “Hey partner, so I was talking to Chie and figured out that you’re in love with me and sorry bro, I don’t feel that way about you but hey we’re still friends!” _Hell no_. That was a dick move and a half. It was pretty clear already - from the fact that Souji refused to talk to Yosuke about it - that he knew there wasn’t a chance. Which meant that provided Yosuke just minded his fucking business and did everything he could to show Souji that they were partners, they’d always be partners - for real, how would anyone _ever_ think he’d want to lose his best friend? Even Souji worried about it! - then it would probably be okay. 

He took a deep breath and got ready to head home - if he was going to hang out with Souji that evening, he wanted a chance to cool his head and prep himself, since he was going to have to play it normal, be supportive without giving anything away. Still, Souji mattered _so much_ to him that he figured he could do it - it wasn’t as if their leader wasn’t juggling a hundred things more than the rest of them were. 

And if, deep down inside, there was a soft, warm spark whenever he thought about the fact that _Souji liked_ him, _of all people_ , well - there was something flattering about it, even if he didn’t feel the same way.

* * *

“Minding his fucking business” and “being supportive without giving anything away” was turning out to be a _lot_ harder than Yosuke expected. There was always a little voice in the back of his mind every time he saw Souji - or even, to be honest, thought about him - reminding him of the situation; it was flattering, sure, but it made for some awkward moments. Sometimes, he wondered if maybe Souji had gotten over it? and that was oddly not as comforting as he expected? but then Souji would look at him, and he’d know that no, it was still there, and then he’d wonder if Souji was going to just bite the bullet and confess. Deep down, Yosuke knew he never would, but it was the only way he could explain the butterflies he felt any time they found themselves alone together.

They still hung out, and when they were alone - apart from a few weird afternoons - it wasn’t hard for Yosuke to ignore it and just enjoy the feeling of being with his best friend who very carefully acted only like a best friend; no awkward touches, no lingering glances, no veiled comments or mentions of sadness. Those were the moments Yosuke lived for, and he would have been lying to himself - he knew way better than to lie to himself now, given the experience with his shadow - if he said he wasn’t a little grateful on those days that Souji liked him; it meant that, at least for now, there wouldn’t be any girlfriends coming along to make things weird between them. Sure, Yosuke wouldn’t have minded a girlfriend - but he was also a chronic fuckup, and girls were never really interested in him, and besides. They had the case. Right now, all he had time for was his friendship with Souji; it was enough. 

No, it was when they were together as a group, and Rise decided to hang all over Souji’s neck - or when they were at school and Yumi, or Ai, or any one of a number of Souji’s fans decided to try to hijack him for lunch or for the afternoon - _that_ was when Yosuke really found it hard to ignore it and not shut them down with a choice “you don’t have a chance, because Souji likes _me_ , so back off and leave us alone.” That would have been a disaster - he would have sounded _jealous_ , and he wasn’t jealous, he just wanted to spend as much time with Souji as he could before his friend went back to the city, and after all they had a murder to solve, didn’t anyone other than him remember that? That’s when it was hard, but he managed anyway, because he didn’t want to seem jealous.

Of course, he _wasn’t_ , but he couldn’t stop other people from drawing weird conclusions.

* * *

Everything came to a head in late summer. They’d all made plans to go to the summer festival together and somehow - _miraculously_ \- the girls had all dressed up in yukata and oh, it was a _glorious_ day. It was so unexpected - Yosuke had never _seen_ Chie in one, much less imagined Rise - that it didn’t even bother him that none of them were looking at him; they were lovely, like a picture, and it was enough for him to admire them and elbow Souji, and nod together (in the past month or two he’d pieced together that Souji still liked girls, too, so he found a meeting point there, trying to keep things normal between them). 

After thwarting Teddie’s attempt to keep the girls to himself they were all heading along the south walkway when disaster struck. Chie - who wasn’t used to walking in geta - got one of the wooden struts wedged between rocks, stumbled, and caught her sleeve on one of the posts that was holding up the taiko platform. She managed to jerk her sleeve free, but in doing so, knocked aside the post - which had been one of the key supports to the entire structure. The tower tilted immediately, starting to crumble, and while Souji’s yell of “scatter” was enough to clear the rest of the group away from it, Chie’s shoe was still stuck.

There was no time; the structure was falling, and Souji threw himself forward, knocking Chie out of the way - snapping the shoe’s thong, so that she was free - but there wasn’t time for _him_ to get away, and the entire thing collapsed on top of him. He crumpled like a sheet of notebook paper, and while everyone screamed, or shrieked, or yelled, Yosuke’s shout of disbelief, of _terror_ , was the loudest.

* * *

_Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god Souji oh my god_ Souji _oh my god what the hell_. The fact that something so unexpected - not in the TV world, not related to the murders at all - could wreak so much havoc had Yosuke’s brain spinning. He sat in the emergency waiting room with everyone else - Yukiko was comforting Chie, who couldn’t stop blaming herself, Nanako was sobbing against Dojima-san’s arm, Rise was crying and Kanji was trying to comfort both her and Teddie - but Yosuke… Yosuke was numb. 

The doctors had given them nothing. Between broken bones, possible spinal damage, and a pretty hefty concussion, they _couldn’t_ guess whether or not Souji would be okay, and Yosuke’s world - along with as his carefully crafted walls - was rapidly crumbling. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Souji, unconscious, lying in a pool of blood. Every time he forced the image away, he was confronted with a thousand more - Souji smiling, Souji holding a hand out to him, Souji walking next to him on the riverbank, Souji’s sympathetic face each time Yosuke went to him with a complaint - about Saki, or work, or school, or _anything_. 

They all went home that night without any sort of closure - the doctors had operated, but everything was still touch and go - and it was, hands-down, the _worst_ night of Yosuke’s life. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep; all he could do was wrap his arms around his knees and rock back and forth - Teddie was, by now, _thankfully_ asleep - and wonder just where his life had gone wrong. How would he ever survive without Souji? 

Yosuke would be the first one to admit that he was pretty stupid when it came to school, but he wasn’t so stupid that he couldn’t see where his thoughts were trending, or _why_ his heart hurt so badly. Souji was a friend, yes… but Souji was also a whole lot more, and he’d been an idiot for not seeing it earlier, when he might have had a chance to do something about it. As it was, Souji was going to _die_ , and he’d never be able to tell him he liked him, and that- that hurt worse than losing Saki-senpai, and he couldn’t even be happy that Souji liked him back because how could he live the rest of his life remembering that he’d almost had it but had wasted it? 

He finally fell asleep around three in the morning, worn out from tears that he’d not been able to hold off any longer, but he woke far earlier than he would ever have wanted to after a heartwrenchingly warm dream in which Souji confessed to him and he accepted, and _dammit_. He looked at his phone; nothing, but then, he wasn’t family. Dojima-san didn’t have his phone number. How would anyone get him the news?

Having forced himself to shower the night before, Yosuke shrugged into the least dirty shirt he had before heading out for the hospital. It was too early for visiting hours, but hell if he was going to sit and wait for news that might never come, especially if it meant he might miss the chance to say goodbye.

* * *

He’d thought to expedite the trip over by taking his bike but - in spectacular Yosuke luck - it broke down, halfway; he had to walk it all the way to the hospital, which meant that he arrived a good half-hour after visiting hours began. It was still early, though, so none of the others were there; he didn’t see Nanako and Dojima, either, which he thought was a little strange, but maybe Souji was stabilized to the point they were allowed in his room? He could only hope.

It wasn’t until he was walking down the hallway where Souji’s room was that he saw Dojima-san standing in an alcove, talking on the phone; he was too far away for Yosuke to hear what he was saying, but the brunette - still convinced that everything that could go wrong was going to - felt his heart sink. It wasn’t until Nanako stuck her head out of Souji’s door - looking for her father - and her expression brightened when she saw Yosuke that he felt the first stirrings of hope.

“Yosuke-nii! He’s okay! Big bro just finished breakfast and the nurse said-”

 _Souji’s okay. Oh my god_. Yosuke had never heard anything more glorious in all of his sixteen years, and he didn’t even wait for Nanako to finish before he threw the door open, hurrying in.

* * *

Seeing the look of joy on Yosuke’s face lifted Souji’s spirits more than anything else could have. Sure, his unrequited love had gotten harder and harder to bear over the summer, but times like this - times where he could _feel_ the brunette’s friendship and warm affection - times like this he was able to feel like what they had was _enough_. Granted, he had to keep from blushing when Yosuke grabbed his hand - since he was wrapped in bandages and the nurse’s first sharp admonishment was _no hugs, no touching, do_ not _bounce the bed!_ \- and the warmth in Yosuke’s eyes was _so_ strong that for a second Souji almost felt dizzy - but it was enough. 

Eventually Dojima had to leave for work - taking Nanako with him - but Yosuke stayed with him all day long. It was comforting to see him sitting by the bed - reading a magazine or playing his portable game system - each time Souji woke (he was still on a lot of drugs, almost all of which made him very tired). The only time he left while Souji was awake - apparently he’d gone off for lunch during one of his naps - was when Chie came by; the usually-bubbly girl was in tears and it took some time for Souji to convince her that it _wasn’t her fault_.

Eventually, visiting hours were over; Yosuke had to leave, and while it made Souji sad, he still felt a lot warmer than he had in a while - maybe it was the drugs, or the injuries, but he’d never felt quite so close to Yosuke before, and that - well, even if he couldn’t _have_ the brunette… that was enough.

* * *

The worst part about coming to terms with his feelings for Souji in the way that he had was that, at first, Yosuke had been so convinced that he was going to _lose_ his silver-haired best friend that he hadn’t even thought about what he was going to do if he’d found out Souji was _okay_. And, now that Souji _was_ okay, what was Yosuke going to do about it?

Sure, he probably could have pulled off something kind of touching or romantic when they first saw each other, but the window of opportunity for that was really small, and was gone before he knew it, and suddenly he realized that he wasn’t _sure_ if Souji _actually_ still liked him. I mean, he kinda knew, but then, did he? Or was it just months of repressed emotion causing him to _think_ that Souji still liked him, when he was already over the brunette? He’d acknowledged it to Chie, yeah, but _how long ago?_ Maybe Yosuke was just imagining it. 

Yeah, with his luck, he probably was.

Weeks passed, and Souji was finally allowed out of the hospital; he was still on crutches, and had bandages on one arm, but was otherwise okay, and _of course_ Yosuke was there for it, and _of course_ he was there every day after that, helping his friend get around. Every touch, every glance was enough to drive him insane, but after a while… after a while, he _thought_ he was relatively sure that, yes, Souji still liked him.

And he liked Souji. So, where did that leave them?

* * *

Nowhere, apparently. After one attempt on the riverbank - in which all of his doubts surfaced _just long enough_ to throw everything off - Yosuke realized that confessing was terrifying, and for a while, he hoped that Souji would do it, instead. Surely, a near-death experience would give him _some_ kind of incentive to pursue it, even if just to get it out into the air? The brunette even tried flirting - a little - at least he _thought_ he was flirting, but he’d never been good with girls, so maybe he was just coming off as weird? He just didn’t know.

After the next month of waiting for Souji, he finally realized that, no, their silver-haired leader - always so cool and collected in the TV world - was never going to make a move. It made sense, really, even though it _really_ frustrated Yosuke. Clearly, Souji would rather take his secret to the grave than risk their friendship - and while it made Yosuke a _little_ happy to know how much Souji valued their partnership, well… it was a thousand times _more_ frustrating. Especially given how his thoughts _always_ trended towards Souji now, no matter what, and given how many utterly embarrassing, utterly _filthy_ dreams he’d woken up from. 

Clearly, Yosuke was going to have to make a move.

How? Hell if he knew.

* * *

_Fucking hell, I’ve done it now_. 

Loving Souji hadn’t put a damper on Yosuke’s tendency to play pranks - in fact, a small voice in his head suggested that his current frustration over _nothing having happened_ (despite the fact that it was as much his fault as anything that it hadn’t) was why he was, to be honest, being a bloody nuisance. Souji had _warned_ him not to do it, but he really wanted to see the look on Chie’s face when she thought she was going to have to be in the pageant - and now, thanks to _stupid_ Kashiwagi, the girls were actually going to have to participate. And _now_ , thanks to _stupid Chie_ and _stupid Kashiwagi_ (and, yes, _stupid Yosuke_ ), he, Souji, and Kanji were going to have to participate in the drag pageant. 

Granted, Yosuke had felt bad about the girls the minute he realized they were trapped into participating - he hadn’t wanted them to be _forced_ into it - but now… now he was desperate. Desperate for anything to come along and end his misery before he had to go through with it.

He’d dreaded Souji’s reaction the most - _Yosuke_ deserved to be forced into it, and he got the idea that Kanji didn’t really hate the idea, but Souji… he _didn’t_ deserve it. In fact, he was kind of pissed that the girls had included Souji, too - but Souji, somehow, didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t want to do it - the look on his face when they’d confronted the girls was enough to show _that_ \- but he wasn’t going to complain, and he didn’t seem to blame Yosuke for it. That was the worst. Yosuke had never felt more guilty before in his life. 

Would it stop him from playing pranks? It _might_ , actually.

* * *

They were a day away from the event and Yosuke was wallowing in his misery when he had a small thought that blossomed quickly into one very big, very terrifying idea that he was finding it very hard to deny.

 _If I’m going to be miserable and embarrassed, why not get_ everything _over with?_

This meant doing it - actually _confessing to Souji_. That was terrifying in and of itself. Doing it in front of the school? Even more so. 

But it also meant that the months of frustration would finally be at an end - he’d _know_ , and if things went well, maybe something _good_ would come out of the damn pageant. He also knew that confessing in front of the whole school, well - of all his fears, Souji not _believing_ him was one of the biggest, and he was pretty sure that Souji was smart enough to realize that if Yosuke was going to say something like _that_ in front of the whole school, he had to mean it. 

On the other hand, if things went badly - _please god do_ not _let things go badly_ \- he could probably play it off as some sort of pageant trick, to try to ‘fit into the role’? Maybe. Souji would probably still _know_ \- the bastard was the smartest student in their grade, and probably the whole school - but it would give them an out, a chance to pretend it hadn’t been real, maybe salvage their friendship.

He really, _really_ hoped it wasn’t going to go badly.

* * *

“You’ll do fine, Yosuke. Just hold your head up, it’s almost over.”

Souji stood backstage with Yosuke at the pageant - Kanji had already gone first - and it was almost the brunette’s turn. The whole thing was clearly eating at Yosuke, to the point where Souji was actually worried for him; it had been his fault, _yes_ , but Kashiwagi had really overstepped her boundaries this year - with the girls _and_ the boys. Yosuke was so upset that he was shaking - it was all Souji could do _not_ to hold him, though he knew that’d make things a thousand times worse - and Souji could only offer words, and his own example. He didn’t particularly want to be here either, but if walking onto the stage in Yukiko’s old uniform, holding a shinai, and taking the crowd’s attention away from Yosuke was going to help his partner, he’d gladly do it. 

Yosuke just looked at him, eyes wide - there was an odd flush on his face that Souji found attractive (not the makeup. The makeup was awful, and Yosuke in a skirt was not something he’d _ever_ thought of as being attractive, even _if_ Souji knew he would always find Yosuke cute no matter what) - and nodded. Then, the announcer called his name; the brunette started, clenched his fists, and squared his shoulders, giving one last, unreadable glance at Souji before heading out.

The laughter - the laughter was the worst part, and Souji felt for Yosuke a thousand times more than he knew he’d feel for himself. Then the announcer was asking him something, and Souji had to strain his ears to hear over the laughter, but as Yosuke started to talk, everything grew quiet.

“-omething I need to say. I know I’m not going to get this kind of chance again-” The brunette’s voice was shaking; he paused, swallowing, and rubbed his hands on the skirt he was wearing. “But… well. Here goes. Souji Seta, I like you. Will you go out with me?”

_Oh. My. God._

 _ **What.**_

If you’d asked Souji what he _thought_ Yosuke was going to say, he never, ever would have answered correctly in a thousand years. As it was, he almost couldn’t believe it - but he _knew_ Yosuke, knew there was _no way_ he would have done or said something so embarrassing if he hadn’t meant it, and… _oh my god_.

 _Oh my_ **god**.

Suddenly the crowd - which had been thrown into an uproar at Yosuke’s bombshell - quieted; the announcer held up a hand. “I guess that means it’s time for our next contestant! Come on out, Ms. Souji Seta!”

Souji barely had time to register his name, much less look at Yosuke; he stumbled out onto the stage in a daze, and the entire crowd was silent, barring a few snickers. He glanced over at the brunette, and the _look_ on Yosuke’s face - terror and shame and pure embarrassment, as well as _nervousness_ \- told him everything he needed to know. The announcer walked over. 

“Well, Ms. Seta - I would normally ask you a question or two but I think there’s something more pressing on everybody’s mind. You just had someone ask you a very important question, so… what’s the answer?”

A thousand responses went through Souji’s head; none of them stayed. Watching Yosuke’s face - seeing the nervousness grow - Souji finally gave up trying to resist his urges. Ripping his wig off - throwing it to the side, along with his shinai - he strode over to Yosuke, standing in front of him. 

This surprised the brunette, who’d expected words; the look on Souji’s face must have been enough, though, that when Souji reached up and pulled the strawberry clip out of Yosuke’s hair, threw it to the side, ran his fingers through the brunette locks to fluff them back into their normal shape, placed his hands on Yosuke's cheeks, and _kissed_ him, he just curled his hands in the silver-haired boy’s jacket, ignoring the fact that it was a _girl’s_ jacket, ignoring the fact that he was wearing a skirt and sweater-vest, and returned the kiss with every fibre of his being. 

It wasn’t how he’d imagined their first kiss, but he was _kissing Souji_ and holy fuck it was _more fantastic than anything he’d ever imagined_ (he'd imagined a _lot_ of things) and even the realization that the entire school was watching really didn’t do much to make him want to stop. In fact, he didn’t stop until they were both out of breath; when they finally pulled away, the entire room cheered, and Souji grabbed his hand before leaning over to the microphone. 

“I’m sorry, but we forfeit.” He dragged Yosuke off the stage amidst cheers, catcalls, and whistles, and it was all the announcer could do to quiet the crowd and bring out Teddie.

* * *

Everything after that was a blur, and thanks to the festival, it was late afternoon - almost evening - before they had any time alone. Souji - still holding Yosuke’s hand, something he’d been loath to give up unless he had to, all afternoon - lead the way to the riverbank, where they’d had the talk so many months before about Souji’s tears. 

They were silent for a bit, neither knowing exactly what to say; finally Souji spoke up.

“Please tell me this is real.” He looked over at Yosuke, who raised an eyebrow.

“If it wasn’t, do you think I would have kissed you back like that?”

“True.” Souji gave a short laugh before biting his lip, then leaned over for another kiss. This one was warmer - it was private, and amazing, and their mouths fit together _perfectly_ when they weren’t worried about the rest of the world watching - and it was some time before they broke apart again.

“How long?” Souji ran his thumb over the brunette’s knuckles, and Yosuke flushed. 

“I… can’t say. I mean… if you want to know how long since I _knew_ , it was when you got hurt, back at the festival. That was a pretty big eye-opener. But if you want to know when I started loving you, I can’t really answer that. It probably started-” a swallow, biting back the weird, nonsensical _forever_ that floated through his heart “-back when you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong when we were out here. I was stupid hurt, and ran into Chie, and she didn’t tell me but she made me _think_ about it until I figured it out… and I guess after that it was pretty much foregone that I was falling in love with you even if I thought it was friendship until you got hurt.”

Souji looked surprised at this - and embarrassed, when Yosuke mentioned the riverbank - but he shook his head at the end. “I wish Chie hadn’t played around like that but I guess in the end… it worked out, I mean, having you right here, right now… this is the happiest moment of my life, Yosuke.” He leaned over to rest his forehead against the brunette’s, who, in turn, smiled bashfully and tightened a hand in Souji’s shirt. 

“When did you start?”

Sitting back, Souji raised an eyebrow. “Me? Probably the first day of school. I didn’t realize it then, but it was love at first sight.”

Yosuke groaned. “That is so cheesy.”

“Yeah, but so am I.” Souji smirked, leaning over. “Does it bother you?” He ghosted his lips across Yosuke’s, tilting his head for another kiss. 

After they finally broke apart, Yosuke thumped Souji’s chest, lightly, and smiled - the same bright smile that looked best on his face - before resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“Not in the least.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **geta** \- wooden sandals worn with yukata, kimono, or other traditional outfits  
>  **taiko** \- japanese drums, often played at festivals and in ceremonies; outdoor festivals often have temporary drum towers where players perform so that they can be seen by everyone  
>  **shinai** \- a wooden stick used in kendo practice, made from multiple slats of bamboo, lashed together, with a rounded tip


End file.
